It’s an article of faith among conservatives that they are, at any given time, the smartest kids in the room. Just ask Jack Savage, author of a blog post at Unified Patriots entitled “Why They Think They’re Smarter Than Us”. The “They” in that title is, of course, liberals. Jack explains, using his amazing powers of mental telepathy with which he can scan the minds of every single living liberal and examine their thought processes in minute detail, just why liberals are so unbelievably stupid.
Of course, there’s no possible way that conservatives could be stupid. Just look at a small sampling of their intellectual achievements:
- The astoundingly intelligent conservatives instigated a war of aggression against Iraq based on intelligence reports that falsely claimed Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction that he did not, in fact, possess. These same conservatives happily used the lies of an Iraqi informant to justify that war.
- The incredibly brilliant conservatives drowned an entire American city by making massive cuts in funding for flood control projects. Once New Orleans was in ruins, the conservatives demonstrated how easy it is to completely botch the job of disaster relief by replacing experienced FEMA employees with ignorant political cronies.
- The massive intellect of the modern conservative tells him that climate change cannot possibly be happening, despite inconvenient facts like the recent, sudden increase in the heat content of the oceans and the thousands of shattered high-temperature records across North America.
- Our unbelievably bright conservative colleagues have decided that raising the US federal debt limit and forestalling the destruction of the US economy is simply not permissible if it means that some disadvantaged kids might get to go to college. Education, you see, is a luxury that our country can ill afford.
I cannot tell you how relieved I am to know that our hyper-intelligent conservative overlords are on the job, fixing all the world’s problems with their keen insights and their firm grip on reality.