Jeff Schreiber, comedy genius

February 24, 2010 in Political Animals | 5 comments

Who knew that Jeff Schreiber, the legal ace of the Internet, was also an accomplished comedian? My post of earlier today has inspired Jeffie to send me this delightful missive:

Date: Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:23:19 – 0500
Subject: Let’s talk, Meat.
From: Jeff Schreiber <j.m.schreiber@gmail.com>
To: meatbrain@thinkingmeat.net

Mr. Meat. (or Mrs. Meat):

You and I have a problem on our hands. Now, that problem has absolutely nothing to do with your political opinions. The problem has to do with how you are presenting them.

A statement is considered libelious per se when it that statement tends directly to injure the target in respect to his office, profession, trade or business, either by imputing to him general disqualification in those respects that the office or other occupation peculiarly requires, or by imputing something with reference to his office, profession, trade, or business that has a natural tendency to lessen its profits.

As someone seeking admission to a state bar, I must show that I am of the character and fitness becoming of an attorney in that state. By overtly calling me a “liar,” when your assertions can be disputed just as I and others have repeatedly disputed so-called “facts” presented by the left, you are tending directly to injure me in respect to my office, profession, trade or business, by imputing to me general disqualification in those respects that the office or other occupation requires.

Libelious per se means that I need not explain how your statement is false, how the Bush tax cuts actually INCREASED tax revenue and how it was by no means a perpetual entitlement program which would forever affect one-sixth of the nation’s economy.

Libelious per se means that I need not explain that, by addressing me by name, I am more than just reasonably identifiable as your target.

Libelious per se means that I need not explain that, as a private figure, I only need to show that a reasonable person would not have published the statement in question.

Dispute my assertions. Please. Call me a liar in the public domain and refuse to correct instances where you have already done so, however, and you are going to find yourself in hot water. I don’t need another item on my to-do list — it’s already full. Still, I will defend my reputation to the death.

Got it?

In the future, I look forward to a civil debate.

Jeff Schreiber

America’s Right

—
Jeff Schreiber
j.m.schreiber@gmail.com

Isn’t that hilarious? I especially like the bit where Jeffie follows several paragraphs of thinly-veiled legalistic intimidation with “I look forward to a civil debate”.

Truly, I split my sides laughing. I have not seen anything so entertaining on the Internet since I found this:

Thanks for the yucks, Jeffie.

  1. Jeff Schreiber on February 24, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    Look, right now, the last thing I want to do is get into the elements of defamation set forth in Section 558 of the Restatement of Torts.  Nor do I want to get into the tide of case law that wouldn’t exactly be in your favor (look up “Biegel,” “Horizon Group Management” and “Quinn” for example).
     
    I just simply don’t have time.
     
    Nor do I want to send a cease and desist letter to Tom Koch at TRK Hosting, your admin down in San Antonio, or to you.  New Canaan, is it?
     
    I have no problem whatsoever with you saying that I’m wrong.  I have no problem with you saying that I’m ugly.  The problem I have is with “liar.”  It carries big-time professional implications for me, and is more than enough for defamation per se.
     
    Strike it from the previous posts.
     
    Asking nicely,
    Jeff Schreiber
    America’s Right.

  2. meatbrain on February 25, 2010 at 8:15 am

    The problem I have is with “liar.” It carries big-time professional implications for me, and is more than enough for defamation per se.

    Strange — what “professional implications” could that word possibly have for Jeffie? It’s a job requirement for a professional wingnut.

  3. Jeff Schreiber on February 25, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    Thank you, Mr. Meat.
     

  4. meatbrain on February 25, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    No, Jeffie, thank you — for being a thin-skinned, thuggish crybaby. You’re the archetypal specimen of your kind.

  5. Green Eagle on February 26, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    “As someone seeking admission to a state bar,” Jeffie was apparently not introduced to the concept of case law in whatever excuse for a law school he attended.
    I would like to see some cites of cases where damages for libel have been awarded for calling someone a liar on a blog.  I would like to see him even make a real attempt to quantify his purported losses as the result of this alleged abuse.
    I feel sorry for whatever suckers pay this guy to attend to their legal affairs;  provided, that is,  he ever gets past the “seeking admission” stage.