What kind of person enjoys seeing people killed?

I AM THE BIG DOG AND I WAS IN THE MILITARY. BIG DOG LIKES IT WHEN LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS EAT PEOPLE IN CALIFORNIA BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT MICHEAL WEINER SAVAGE WOOD SAY. BACK WHEN I WAS DRIVING A TRUCK IN THE MILITARY I WAS LIKE LOL WHEN I SAW A TIGER GO KENDER AND GRIBBIT!!!111!!!

Every time I read one of his posts, thats all I can see. What a jerkoff.

Terry, why do you allow people to write incorrect things on your blog? Dan, I was in a medical unit. I flew on medevac helicopters. I was the First Sergeant of the unit.

If you want to malign me, why don’t you get the facts straight so Terry does not call you a liar?

As for the people in San Fran, stuff happens….

Leftists; particularly science fiction writers, don’t care about facts.

>(From OMNI, April 1991. This story, which was a 1991 Nebula nominee, has been appearing around the internet lately without my name attached. Several people were kind enough to alert me, but the truth is I’m more flattered than offended. )

THEY’RE MADE OUT OF MEAT

by Terry Bisson

“They’re made out of meat.”

“Meat?”

“Meat. They’re made out of meat.”

“Meat?”

“There’s no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They’re completely meat.”

“That’s impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?”

“They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don’t come from them. The signals come from machines.”

“So who made the machines? That’s who we want to contact.”

“They made the machines. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.”

“That’s ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You’re asking me to believe in sentient meat.”

“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they’re made out of meat.”

“Maybe they’re like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage.”

“Nope. They’re born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn’t take long. Do you have any idea what’s the life span of meat?”

“Spare me. Okay, maybe they’re only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside.”

“Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They’re meat all the way through.”

“No brain?”

“Oh, there’s a brain all right. It’s just that the brain is made out of meat! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“So … what does the thinking?”

“You’re not understanding, are you? You’re refusing to deal with what I’m telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat.”

“Thinking meat! You’re asking me to believe in thinking meat!”

“Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?”

“Omigod. You’re serious then. They’re made out of meat.”

“Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they’ve been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years.”

“Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?”

“First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual.”

“We’re supposed to talk to meat.”

“That’s the idea. That’s the message they’re sending out by radio. ‘Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.’ That sort of thing.”

“They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?”
“Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat.”

“I thought you just told me they used radio.”

“They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat.”

“Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?”

“Officially or unofficially?”

“Both.”

“Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing.”

“I was hoping you would say that.”

“It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?”

“I agree one hundred percent. What’s there to say? ‘Hello, meat. How’s it going?’ But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?”

“Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can’t live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact.”

“So we just pretend there’s no one home in the Universe.”

“That’s it.”

“Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You’re sure they won’t remember?”

“They’ll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we’re just a dream to them.”

“A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat’s dream.”

“And we marked the entire sector unoccupied.”

“Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?”

“Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again.”

“They always come around.”

“And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone …”

the end

Big Wimp,

Why do you take yourself so seriously?

GWAAAAA THIS COUNTRY IS HEADED FOR A CIVIL WAR BECAUSE OF THOSE ST00PID LIBRUALS GIVING OUT WELLFARES!!!

When, ironically, it’s your internet pal Gribbit with his shockingly obese wife who are sitting there collecting their SSI check from the G?

What kind of person hangs with the “Socialist Scholars”?

this is freakin’ hilarious.

The Socialist Scholars Conference has always been an open forum for ideas on the Left. We have never excluded those with whom we disagree.

Yeah right! Just look at this blog.

Cao,

Meaty and I disagree on a lot. He doesn’t exclude me.

The difference between people like me and you though: I’m sane. You’re fucking nuts.

What kind of person thinks Mumia is a “Political Prisoner” instead of a murderer?

It’s normal for Big Dog and his slightly mentally ill friend Gribbit. Read his about page:

“I also believe that if this country does not stop pandering to special interest groups and does not stop taking away the rights guaranteed under our Constitution, and if they do not stop creating a welfare class of dependent people, there will be another civil war. It will start as an uprising to take the government over from the politicians who have lost all touch with the core values of this country. Then anarchy will set in followed by civil war.”

It just amuses me to no end. It’s duplicitous in that it’s hilarious that there are actually people this mindfucked from years of listening to too much Sean Hannity – but upsetting at the same time because as a conservative who—-ya know——reads for fun, I have to come to the conclusion that the level of crazy ass wingnuttery on my side of the aisle far exceeds the crazy asses on the left.

You miss the point. I did not celebrate the death of this person. I pointed out the differences in the cultures of two areas of the US. It is sad the guy died but the news is reporting he might have been taunting the tiger.

There are consequences for such stupidity. I also have no feelings for people who do stupid things on skateboards and end up with bones sticking out of their skin.

Dan, you can think what you want. If the political culture in this country does not change (and it involves both parties) there will be an uprising.

Socialists and socialism sucks, right Terry?

I am Dan:
Eye
em
wee
Todd

Uh. Good one. Did one of your inbred kids teach you that one?

Big Dog:

Tell us about the civil war that’s going to start!!!!

Meaty tell us who you really are…before someone else does.
You may as well out yourself now. Cause someone else will very soon.

Can’t hide behind a can of spam for too long.

LOL. SOMEBODY WILL FIND OUT WHO U R!!