Praise JEEE-SUSS! And pass the bamboo slivers!

Widdle Timmy High, Liar for Christ, has settled the question of whether it is legitimate to use torture against terrorist suspects. Torture is acceptable — even Godly — because Jesus approves of it.

Would Jesus condone torturing a terrorist who is trying his damndest to kill innocent people that God Himself charges our leader to protect? Yes.

Well, that settles it, then. Torture is a Christlike virtue. Widdle Timmy will soon be teaching his Sunday School class how to tie a good strappado, and the sermon this coming Sunday will be “Follow the Lord and learn peine forte et dure”.

I think Widdle Timmy has done this country a massive service. He has demonstrated, definitively, why holy-roller Christians like himself are utterly unqualified to hold any public office, or serve in any capacity in law enforcement. There is no law that Timmy respects — and if you look closely, you will see that that includes the laws of God.