Go Get ‘Em, Boys!

This is so rich. Two of the brave boys of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders have pledged to risk their own doughy necks in the War On Brown people:

We, the undersigned legal citizens of these United States, do hereby announce that henceforth citizens arrests will commence of any and all persons found within our borders that do not have legal identification that proves their legal status to be within our borders…

Both Kender and "Real Teen" are personally going to go out amongst the dark and deadly masses to root out the insidious threat of brown-skinned agriculture workers and swarthy hotel maids. Yes, the patriotism of these two manly specimens of the Red-Blooded American knows no bounds, folks.

I do expect that they’ll be so successful rounding up the Brown Terror that they’ll have no time to keep track of their exploits. That’s why I’m going to lend these fine soldiers of Truth, Justice, and The American Way a hand. Every time one of them sends me a link to local news coverage of one of their citizen’s arrests, I’ll bump up the counter that keeps track of their individual captures, as well as the total:

Godspeed, boys. Be sure to let us know when you get one of those brown devils.

UPDATE 05/03/06 6:18 AM EDT: My goodness… four whole weeks have gone by, and neither of our brave freedom fighters have reported a single capture. What’s wrong, boys? Is it really that hard to put away the Cheetos, get out from behind the keyboard, and go do what you said you would do? It would appear that we have here two members of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders who have discovered that it’s much easier to talk the Red Blooded American Hero™ talk than it is to walk the walk.

UPDATE 05/17/06 6:11 AM EDT: Six weeks, and neither Kender nor “Real Teen” have reported a single capture. It is now established beyond all doubt that neither of them ever had any intention of making a single “citizen’s arrest”. Both talk, and talk, and talk… but actually getting out of the chair to do something would never occur to either of them.